A fight worth while
by Napels
Summary: A fight for love - and future, after their latest argument


_**A fight worth while**_

Ennis slammed the door of his trailer shut behind him when he finally came home. For a moment he stood still, stunned, his hands clenched into fists before he could no longer hold back his tears.

`_I wish I knew how to quit ya_´ Jack´s voice still rang out in his ears.

Only a few hours ago, when they had to say goodbye to each other after their latest fishing trip, Ennis´ cancellation for their meeting in August had triggered an unexpected dam break of pent-up emotions between them. A wave of disappointment, pain and anger that had accumulated between them had overwhelmed them, leaving nothing but despair and destrucktion between them.

Jack had openly admitted having been with other men, cheated on him.

`_I wish I knew how to quit ya!_´ Jack´s words had torn the floor from under Ennis feet, like a dagger right through his heart. An numbing pain had gripped him, prevented him from breathing and forced him to his knees.

JACK DID NOT WANT HIM ANYMORE! JACK DID NOT WANT HIM ANYMORE!

And even though Jack had pulled him into his arms and told him he was sorry sometime, Jack´s previous words had taken all the comfort from his embrace.

Ennis hadn´t wanted Jack´s consolation, he wanted his love back, but it felt like it was gone somehow. He couldn´t stand this feeling nor did he know how to fix things again and the helpless feeling that came with this realization made him desperately sink into a chair and cry.

Jack braked sharply and jumped out of his car. Furious, he knocked on the door of Ennis trailer and waited impatiently for him to open it.

When Ennis finally did, Jack stormed past him and slammed the door shut behind him.

´_Damn Ennis, we have to talk!_´ Jack let out angrily.

´_Don´t worry Jack, you´ve told me very clearly what you had to say, didn´t ya?_´ Ennis shot back as he turned around to face him.

Jack stared at him silenty for a moment as he realized Ennis red-rimmed eyes that were full of despair. ´_Is that all ya have to say to this?_´ he finally inqired upset.

´_Seemed to me that you already said everything left to say - including you wishing to quit me..._` Ennis reminded him hurt.

Jack glared at him ´_And you just accept it? Don´t ya have anything to say about that?`_

When Ennis stared fiercely at him, but still remained silent, Jack turned and stormed out the door.

´_Don´t ya dare to run away now, Jack fucking Twist!_´ Ennis yelled at him as he followed him out the door.

´_Well, I can hear ya fucking silence out here too, or should ya really have something to say to me?_´

´_Damn yes, Jack!_ _STOP BEING WITH OTHER MEN! I CAN´T STAND IT!_´ Ennis yelled out of his mind. Jack stood petrified when Ennis shouted at him with tears in his eyes. He had never seen him like this before.

`_I wouldn´t have done it if we´d see each other more than two, three times a year!_´ Jack defended himself angrily.

´_So, is that just all about sex, Jack?_´ hissed Ennis with narrowed eyes.

´_How can it be, when we hardly see each other anyway?_´ he shot back mockingly.

_´Damn it, ya know what Jack, you´ve always been the only one for me! The only one worth waiting for – no matter how long! I´m sorry I couldn´t make ya feel the same!_´ Ennis said to him deeply hurt.

At his words Jack froze. ´_That´s not true, and ya damn well know that, Ennis! Ya seem to have no idea what you mean to me, do ya?!´ _

´_Well, obviously not enough that ya don´t betray my love for ya – or at least regret having done it!´_

Two of Ennis neighbours came out of their trailers to see what the screaming was about, but neither Jack nor Ennis noticed.

´_So what about you Ennis?_ _Have ya ever regretted not wanting to live with me? - Or wasn´t I even worth you to hink twice about it?_´

Ennis stared at Jack ´_You´ve been worth everything to me, Jack, don´t ya know that yet?_´

´_How the fucking hell should I know, Ennis?´_Jack snorted sarcastically _´- I don´t know how many times I asked ya to live with me on a ranch of our own, but ya ain´t wanted it – ain´t wanted me!_´

´_I wanted you, Jack, damn, I always wanted you!_ \- _Ya know exactely why I couldn´t live with you! This was never about you Jack!_´ Ennis put right

´_But that´s what it should have been about, right!? About me – and you!_´ Jack stated angrily.

Ennis looked at him desperately ´_That´s exactly the point, Jack, YOU AND ME!_´

´_No, it´s just what the others might think about it, isn´t it?!_´

´_No! It´s what the others might do about it, Jack!_´

´_Damn, no, Ennis, it´s about what others have once done to others. This is just all about others – but never about you and me, can´t you see_?!´

´_It´s about me not wanting ya to get killed because of me!_´ Ennis told him fiercely.

´_\- So YOU kill me instead, right?!´_ Jack inquired sarcastically ´_Cause that´s what ya do when ya keep me away from ya!_´

´_Well, looks like you´ve found a way to handle it already, right Jack?!_´ Ennis shot back.

´_No! Damn it, Ennis, I DON´T HAVE!_´

´_Then what the hell is Mexico all about?!_´Ennis yelled at him.

´_It´s about what I need – sometimes – to stand it somehow - not what I want, what I fucking crave for!_´

`_Well, looks like those one or two high altitude fucks with me a year are also not what ya want anymore!_´ Ennis glared wild hat him.

´_No, that´s not what I want anymore._´ Jack acknowleged seriously, looking straight into Ennis eyes. His heart arched at the raw pain he saw in´em. ´_I want it all, Ennis! I want you, every day, all year, all my life, that´s what I´m longing for - but I´ll never have that, right?_!´ Jack asked him in angry despair.

Ennis looked at him helplessly, tears in his eyes, unable to speak.

´_Damn Ennis, tell me, will I ever have that?!_´ Jack inquired forcefully.

Tears streamed down Ennis face now while he stared at Jack desperately. ´_What, if ya won´t?!_´

´_You tell me..._´ Jack said, tears were now in his eyes too.

´_This ain´t fair, Jack!_´

´_Damn you, Ennis, this whole thing between us hasn´t been fair right from the start!_ _Life ain´t fair!_´ Jack agreed desperately ´ - _yet, ya still owe me an answer!_ _Ya want me in your life - or not? That´s not too difficult a questionton, is it!?_´

´_Damn it, Jack, what do YOU want at all?_ _Just a coulple a hours ago ya told me ya ain´t wanted me no more – that ya wish ya knew how to quit me!_´

_´I want you, Ennis, always will! - The only question is, if ya still want me too - and I don´t just mean a few days a year!_´

´- _This is not just about what I want, Jack, it´s about what´s possible and what´s out of our hands, can´t ya see?_!´

´_Dammit no, Ennis, no, cause it isn´t so!_´ Jack shot back ´_Whether we live together or not is only our decision! Your decision! - So, do yo want to be unhappy on your own or are ya brave enough to be happy with me?_´

´_Things are not always as easy as you put ´em, ya know Jack?!_´ Ennis hissed at him.

´_Oh damn yes, they are! So why don´t ya just tell me ya don´t want me no more and I´ll get out of your life, Ennis?!_´ Jack suggested with a furious glare at him.

´_Damn it, Jack, because I want you!_´ Ennis yelled at him before taking Jack´s face in his hands and kissing him fiercely. Jack was totally surprised for a moment before finally pulling Ennis into his arms and passionately returning his kiss until they showed up to take a breath.

´_That true? Ya want me?_´ Jack inquired happily close to his lips.

´_You´re all I ever wanted__! If I lose ya, there ain´t nothing left for me to live for.- Then I might as well be dead. So, before I just lose you now, I prefer to live with the risk they´ll get me someday, but until that day I´ll be with ya every single day – and night. _´ Ennis told him quietly.

´_Ya the only one that matters to me in my life, Ennis and I will not allow anything ever happen to you! - Without ya, my life has no meaning, that´s why I want ya to be by my side for the rest of our lives! _Jack told him and sealed his words with a longing kiss that Ennis eagerly replied.

´_\- Uh, by the way, your neighbours are watching us, ya realized that yet?_´ Jack whispered close to Ennis´ lips at some point.

´_Huh?´_ Ennis turned his head slightly and glared at them when he saw a crowd of about 15 people standing there watching them ´_What the hell ya staring at? This is private, can´t ya see? Mind ya own business and get the fuck lost!_´ he yelled at them indignantly before turning back to Jack.

The crowd, that had gathered to listen to their argument, began to dissolve and eventually disappeared into the neighboring trailers.

`_You realize you´ll have to live with me from now on, do ya?´ _Jack asked him happily. When Ennis confirmed this with a nod, Jack added with a smile ´- _maybe we´d better move darling, I guess we just messed up with the neighbours, huh?!_´ he suggested with an amused smile and kissed Ennis again.


End file.
